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Archive for June, 2011|Monthly archive page

JUR: null.

In Uncategorized on 06/09/2011 at 2:12 PM

type in your destination? right after my last final i flocked to this mac to type something out. there is nothing spiritual about this, i just had a triple shot espresso and the music in my head are eggin me on.

specifically this song:

it just talks about partying but it reminds me of “roomful of people” because of the many voices he puts out there and the fact that i thought before it was talking about rage like the pokemon move and not just the partying thing. i’ll rage tonight probably. i raged yesterday, sitting at kinkos for 30 minutes for a resume. getting lost in downtown la. paying 8 bucks for 18 minutes of parking when it coulda been free.

all to be judged by susan the casting director after my last reading she says: “yeah i gotta pretty good idea of who you are now”

fuck that shit.

this helped me realize something.

the greatest word in the english language is DISTILL.

this word describes humanity completely. the process of humanity is that of culture, it is the end result that i have discovered in archaeology. the burials, writing, buildings, warfare, art, it can all be summed up by the word culture. how has culture evolved over the years.

it began simple, with beads, but we be adding more and more beads to this little chain around our neck. they began to take shape. staff god, buddha, crosses, and the list continues. now culture is distilled even further and religion has separated itself from culture. culture will continue to evolve as we physically separate all these representations of the roomful of people in our heads [distillation]

and that is important. distillation is not a chemical reaction, though culture is often very spiritual to us. the reality is that culture is not higher than us. culture is not some absolute thing or spiritual force. alcohol relies on distillation. our bodies may interact with something spiritual, im not saying that we are not spiritual beings. im merely saying that culture is not spiritual. and culture is the process of distillation.

it is a physical process, not a chemical process. for instance, “light chasers” is very spiritual in it’s effects, inspiration, and content. but it is not spiritual in its essence, it is music communicated through MIDI through your headphones (cause no ones playing it on the radio)

when im dist ill remember (dissed I’ll)

we all di still (die still)

that is why we distill (distill)

and we will do dis till (this until)

everyone dis still. (dies still)

 

that is my new religion.

i dont understand the great beyond. but i feel that culture is like an elephant we are pushing up stairs because elephants have an immense memory. we have pushed it up mounds, pyramids, buildings, skyscrapers, clouds, now we are pushing it up on satellites and beyond.

the inca civilization controlled people by building roads. rome controlled people by building roads. the great nations control the waves, planes, freeways.

the new controllers will be those ferrying us across the information highway.

and that is the thing. the casting director will just judge you on the spot. you gotta be ready on the spot. not a spot on your record, you gotta be spot on.

 

nowadays, morals are to me like the days. i go along with them because it is practical. but all tension comes from rules imposed out of order/in the wrong time. and i dont feel bad that i dont feel bad anymore.

 

this is the end of this blog. my jurisdiction is that it is nullified by its non existence in consequence. science, is not real because it has always existed but it never existed before we started to teach it in the classrooms or attributed taxes to NASA. all we had before that was culture, now science is a part of our culture. culture meaning the collective mental activity.

 

when i became a christian for what seems like an eternity ago (because i was a different person then) i just wanted to be recognized. that has not changed, i just changed the frame and focus, i still wanted to be recognized i just changed who i thought deserved recognition.

but i have re:cognized and this has recovered some wrecked cogs in the ignition.

for heavens sake, i sacrificed many opportunities and now i have realized how frivolous my past 4 years have been. the source of this was fear. i am certain of this now.

 

and this blog was fear. these past three years have been fears. i dont know what i want to be, i have an idea, but i dont care how it turns out, the point is that i want to be. even if that is infamous, famous is in infamous and fame is infamy.

 

i write this as a statement to myself? that is the problem, my words will only have effect if i focus and make them effective. i wont change much after this blog. but i will let my hatred for bullshit consume me in a conflagration that can flag every arrogant elation that propels me backwards.

i was looking at my nike frees and on the bottom is the shape of a hand pointing backwards, or at least now pointing what you would think is forwards. inside myself i have been subverting myself. i know i am using the word wrong, but i think it is perfectly representational.

subverting because it is below the surface. vert because it refers to motion. subvert because it has a negative connotation. ing because gerund.

wow that is the first joke i’ve made so far. i am serious.

but getting serious about doing fun stuff.

 

i dont have a very romantic attachment to being a man. a lotta guys do and now a lotta girls do too. those kinda people join the military and the truth is they are just attached to themselves as well and are attaching themselves to something in the process. and it’s called being a man.

 

happiness and health are not in my sights right now. people want me to rage with them but i am busy raging against myself. i now worship culture. not even history. history will leave me as a statistic in the books. i worship the elephant and building upon that culture we push up the stairs. i will continue to find punchlines that arent there: that is the process of distillation.

 

there is an opportunity for what some may call exploration in the dynamic culture of now, and i will take it and that will be my stake in the future. (i refer to my ridiculous ventures, the documentaries, companies, inventions, and other ‘contributions’ which in reality are contributions to myself)

 

this will sound arrogant but i dont care. i am distilling myself from myself and finding the room full of people in my head.

i love myself for all of myself. i am right and people are foolish. i am foolish and people are right. but still, people are foolish. they judge me super superficially. that is my reason for the obsession with the tool. the irony of the phenomena of a tool/bro/whatever you wanna call them is so significant in how it matches the term for themselves: tool.

the goal of life is to like yourself. but people are using a process of doublethink when they think of themselves. by not understanding what causes them to be who they are, they have an inaccurate version of themselves. i know i am a bad person.

all these aspects of myself that i joke about are sick and wrong. and i know it. i use humor to deal with them. my shallowness, my ambition, my arrogance, my sexual perversions.

but i do not hide them from myself anymore. i will continue to hide them from everyone else. but when my faults appear before me, i will no longer try to suppress them. i am not ashamed of them. i will not suppress them and superficially superimpose some loose one-size-fits-all image of something.

whether that is as an american, a christian, a responsible man, a light chaser or anything else.

THAT IS ATMOSPHERE. that is atmosphere. what dont all you understand about this???? this is the stress of atmosphere on the body. this is the oxygen that deteriorates generation after generation. alexander the great, he understood this. he took the gains of philip his father and took his mace donned it worthy of a life and died in battle of rocknroll.

they say he put up 12 shrines dedicated to world conquest. there is nothing wrong with that.

you say he killed many in the process including himself? well guess how they got there, they believed in that atmosphere and said i am a soldier. and he took that and he rose above the atmosphere. he rose so high that he controlled the atmosphere.

 

i like myself. i am not happy with myself. but i like myself enough to pursue myself. and i see no other representation offered by society that is worth my time more than me.

i do not like my happiness. that is a representation offered by society. society says, be healthy, be happy. but that is a double think that stands on the backs of mexican farmers. i dont believe the lie. i put the sigh in society. and society, puts the lie in believe.

i have no anger towards religion for any other reason besides the fact that it held me back. i do not think there is any animosity that all my friends are stuck in some lie because i am too.

but i am breaking free.

and what is the result, it’s that result that religion preys upon.

suits and ties, that dont suit us and tie us down. the emptiness at the bottom of the bottle. all that jazz. as a result, we restrict the jazz within us and call it goodness, love, and all that jazz.

but im jazzin.

you can say that it is sad, but that doesn’t diminish this.

i am glad i found this, it inspires me. think about how childish cloud cult is. a lotta this music is kids music. and that is why i love it. this video is childish apparently. but it is the dark heart of art. all art is cynicism to some extent and that is the moon in mark twains eyes that makes reading him in high school so important.

 

so if you are reading this, and you are judging me, i dont care. but i do feel bad for you, because if you are reading this and judging me, you haven’t understood what i am trying to say and that means i have failed to exist as i’d like to exist.

 

my freshman year of college is over, and my desire for conquest has begun. i am not 3 silly stories up any longer. i am moving out today.

and i am wrapping this up as the album light chasers wraps up on grooveshark. so what song shall i wrap up this blog with? get over it it is over.

all of these things have taught me.

and now it is time for

xtreeme ways

love, me.